Enab Baladi – Khaled al-Jeratli

Rakan believes that household chores are a shared responsibility in the home, even though he held a different view years ago before moving to Kurdistan, Iraq, where he lived away from his family and was forced to take on full responsibility.

The young man in his twenties has gotten used to preparing food, and it has even become an enjoyable experience for him, although his schedule does not allow him to do it every day, as he works six days a week, which limits his time in the kitchen to just one day, his weekly day off.

On regular days, he prefers to wash the dishes after a meal if his wife cooked, and the situation is reversed if he prepared the food himself.

The shared responsibility in household chores, including the kitchen, seems to be trending among Syrian families living abroad, despite the ongoing traditional debate about the roles of women and men in the family.

Married young women and men interviewed by Enab Baladi tend to perform household tasks collaboratively, a pattern imposed by circumstances as they have been accustomed to this style before marriage in countries of refuge.

The kitchen debate

The stereotypical view that cooking and household chores are the sole responsibility of women, rather than men, is not limited to Syrian society or even Eastern societies. The debate around women, men, and the kitchen remains prominent even in Western societies, with studies and research still conducted on this subject every year.

In 2013, a group of researchers from the Granada and Jagiellonian universities aimed to clarify the reasons behind adopting the concept of “women belong in the kitchen”, using examples from various countries in Europe and the United States.

Based on the experiences highlighted in the research, it concluded that some men’s perception of some women as belonging naturally to the kitchen stems from a belief in their own superiority.

Experiences indicated that the stereotypical view of “women and the kitchen” appears early in boys, starting sometimes from the age of two, depicting these culturally shared stereotypes with particular traits associated with women, such as caregiving, sensitivity, or emotion, while men are attributed traits such as dynamism, rationality, and efficiency, according to the research.

Dr. Safwan Qassam, a sociologist, believes that the stereotypical view of women is more of a legacy than a belief, noting that women once held more value than men during earlier periods in history, referred to as the “matriarchal phase.” However, this situation changed, granting men supremacy over women.

He added to Enab Baladi that Eastern society tends to be a “patriarchal society,” a concept also described by the Palestinian thinker Hisham Sharabi in his book “Introductions to the Study of Arab Society,” referring to a society that grants sovereignty to men in line with the tribal concept.

Selected tasks

Household chores are not limited to cooking or washing dishes; they often extend to tasks generally related to men, such as installing and dismantling curtains, which are usually fixed to the ceiling of the home and require physical effort to detach.

Tariq, a 31-year-old Syrian living in Turkey, enjoys preparing food, such as Western meals, but is annoyed by the duty of installing curtains. He said to Enab Baladi that he doesn’t mind dismantling them but hates putting them back up, forcing his wife Dana to reattach them after several days of her urging him, reaching a point of desperation for assistance.

Dana mentioned to Enab Baladi that her husband struggles with hanging curtains, but he does help her with other tasks, like cleaning the dishes to place them in the dishwasher, which she described as an “easy task.”

She pointed out that her husband takes on cleaning the windows from the outside, as he prefers that she doesn’t have to lean out of windows on the higher floors.

An acquired value

A small search on Google using the phrase “man helping woman in the kitchen” in Arabic will yield dozens of results about religious fatwas either permitting or prohibiting men from working in the kitchen, alongside numerous journalistic materials stating that a man entering the kitchen does not detract from his masculinity.

Academic research or studies regarding this concept in Arab societies are lacking, unlike what is available in other communities, as evidenced by researching in other languages, primarily English.

The deficiency of awareness activities or academic research about stereotyping women’s roles as the kitchen manager, or considering that the kitchen is a space not belonging to men, did not pose an obstacle for Alaa, who has been married for three years. He insists on sharing household chores with his wife.

Alaa’s wife, who recently gave birth, is nearing the end of her maternity leave according to German law, where they reside, and does not currently work. Alaa mentioned that he supports her in household chores, often cooking and making desserts during his free time after completing his eight-hour work shifts.

For this young man from Hama province, helping his wife does not stem from a desire to break the stereotype; it has merely been his routine for years, as he told Enab Baladi.

Alaa lived alone for about five years during which he had to handle all responsibilities himself, and he continued this way even after marriage. He noted that sometimes he may seek his comfort at his wife’s expense, but fundamentally he prefers to accomplish tasks himself.

As for Basel, who lives with his wife Linda in Bulgaria, he told Enab Baladi that he tends to help his wife with most household chores if his work schedule allows it.

The couple welcomed a child about two months ago, and Basel works long hours each day at unpredictable times, making his relationship with household chores unstable. However, he does not neglect his responsibility to assist his wife with bathing their child and may leave any other task at hand to fulfill this obligation.

Basel, Rakan, and Alaa stated that sharing household chores has become a routine they have grown accustomed to since their bachelor days, having lived away from their families for years.

Dr. Safwan Qassam downplayed the significance of Syrians’ exile in acquiring shared domestic habits, considering it not a new phenomenon. He noted that young men have long relied on themselves during compulsory military service and university studies, which can have both positive and negative effects. For instance, an individual’s disorganized nature might lead them to resist cooperating with a person attempting to organize the household (their wife).

Ineffective awareness campaigns 

Dr. Safwan Qassam views awareness campaigns concerning shared responsibilities in the home as present in Syrian society, but lacking effectiveness, especially given the wrong methods employed in their framework.

He stated to Enab Baladi that the tools used by women’s rights advocates and civil society groups, in general, are confrontational with society, which ultimately leads to their rejection.

He added that the entities aiming to raise awareness often follow extreme approaches that do not align with Syrian society, making it difficult to convey their objectives.

Dr. Qassam highlighted that our communities tend to be somewhat conservative, prompting them to pass judgment on feminist movements, which has indeed occurred, making the awareness campaign’s reach to achieve its goal challenging.