Enab Baladi – Hani Karazi

“My son no longer leaves the tent because he is uncomfortable with his appearance,” with heartache, described Umm Muhammad As-Sayyid, from Aiydoun camp in Idlib countryside, the state of her child Yahya who had his face disfigured after being burned by a wood stove last winter, causing him a psychological crisis that led to him isolating himself from others.

The war in Syria caused thousands of people, including children, to suffer disabilities and disfigurements. A report by the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) in 2022 indicates that 28% of Syrians have disabilities.

This percentage includes mental and psychological disabilities, most of which resulted from physical injuries or from the war conditions they lived through.

Double pain

Yahya As-Sayyid (9 years old) used to play with his friends around the Aiydoun camp in Khirbet al-Joz, west of Idlib, before winter came and turned his life into a nightmare.

December 10, 2023, is a black date stuck in the memory of Umm Muhammad As-Sayyid. On that day, she was trying to light a wood stove to reduce the cold for her three children. After lighting the stove, she asked her son Yahya to check if it was ignited properly while she checked on the cooking. At that moment, the stove exploded in his face, causing him to be burned and completely disfigured.

Umm Muhammad As-Sayyid (45 years old) told Enab Baladi, “I will never forget that day when the stove exploded in Yahya’s face, and he began screaming in pain. Moments later, the disfigurements appeared on his face. I screamed in panic and didn’t know what to do as my husband was outside the camp at that time. With the help of the neighbors, I took Yahya to the nearest medical point, which only provided first aid and informed me that the disfigurements on his face would remain for a long time and might never disappear.”

Umm Muhammad added that after a few days of the incident, Yahya went out to play with his friends at the camp as usual, but he was shocked by their rejection after seeing his disfigured face and refusing to include him in the ball game.

She continued, “Yahya returned to the tent crying and told me, ‘I don’t want to play with anyone; everyone is mocking my appearance.'”

Umm Muhammad tried to lift her son’s spirits and encourage him to leave the tent to play with the children, but he refused. He only stood at the tent’s entrance for a few minutes before going back inside. He even became less talkative and ate less, preferring to sit alone for long periods.

Umm Muhammad continued her conversation while crying, “My pain is doubled because, on one hand, I feel the pain and guilt as I consider myself responsible for what happened to my child, and on the other hand, I feel deep sorrow because I do not have the money for cosmetic surgery for his face. Also, I feel pain for Yahya, who is going through a difficult psychological state because he cannot accept his appearance and his friends’ rejection of him.”

Bullying on appearance

Children’s disfigurements can be due to sudden events, as happened with Yahya As-Sayyid when his face was disfigured after being burned by the stove, or as a result of congenital problems since birth, like the case of Ala Masto (11 years old), who suffers from a cleft lip and palate.

 

I started to hate looking in the mirror, even my friends mock me at school, all for no fault of mine but simply for being born with a congenital deformation.

Ala, 11-year-old girl

 

Ala, who is from the al-Thawra neighborhood in Idlib, says she cries every time she looks at herself in the mirror and adds, “I started to hate looking in the mirror, even my friends mock me at school, all for no fault of mine but simply for being born with a congenital deformation.”

Ala suffers from her classmates calling her “ugly” and avoiding playing with her. She adds that she no longer wants to go to school, “but my mother tried to lift my spirits,” as she says.

The Mayo Clinic site states that cleft lip and palate are openings or splits in the upper lip or the roof of the mouth (palate) or both. These congenital problems occur when the facial tissues in newly forming babies do not fuse completely. The website notes that cleft lip and palate are among the most common congenital deformities among children.

Children born with this condition face a challenging path physically and mentally. The cleft may affect their eating, hearing, speech, and breathing, preventing them from integrating into their communities or obtaining education. Psychologically, they may suffer from bullying at school and in their surroundings.

Fahd Masto, Ala’s father, told Enab Baladi, “We feel deep sadness for what my daughter suffers from due to bullying and psychological pain because of her appearance. I could only complain to the school to control the bullying by students, but it continued, so I decided to transfer her to another school, but she faced bullying there too.”

Fahd, who works as a mechanic in the industrial area, adds that the fundamental solution is surgery, “but poverty is the primary obstacle preventing us from pulling Ala out of the dark abyss she lives in.”

Treating Ala’s congenital deformation requires two cosmetic surgeries, the first for her nose, which needs cartilage implantation in its front part, and the second for her upper lip and the area above it. This costs about $5,000, “a vast amount that I don’t even have 1% of, so we appeal to God,” as her father says.

Dual treatment

Rubina (8 years old) spends hours in front of the mirror looking at her face, which bears a large birthmark since birth shaped like a peach, causing her psychological distress.

Rubina’s mother from Jaramana in rural Damascus says she fears for her daughter’s worsening psychological condition, noticing that she continually examines her appearance in mirrors, windows, or my mobile’s camera and always asks others about her look. In the last two years, she prefers to sit alone and refuses to see any friends or relatives.

Rubina’s mother, a housewife, says her daughter’s condition worsened since she started school, where some friends began bullying her, calling her “Miss Peach,” causing her to fall into depression.

Rubina’s mother relays her daughter’s words, saying, “She told me she began hating her appearance, hating school, and hating everyone,” adding, “once she shouted at me, saying, ‘I hate you for giving birth to me disfigured.'”

Rubina’s mother told Enab Baladi she understands her daughter’s feelings because she herself finds her daughter’s appearance unusual. However, she fears Rubina might contemplate suicide as she grows older.

In this context, psychiatrist Dr. Jalal Nofal told Enab Baladi, “Perhaps the parents do not accept their child’s appearance, who has some deformity, so how will they help him accept his looks? This means that the parents will need psychological support sessions, along with the child, as they may suffer deep internal issues due to their child’s condition. As a result, receiving psychological support will help them boost their child’s morale and help him overcome the problem of self-acceptance.”

Key treatment methods

Given the significant effects children face due to their dissatisfaction with their appearance, resulting from deformations or congenital defects, family specialist Sameh Qaji advised parents to follow several steps to help their children overcome this ordeal and boost their self-confidence, which is considered the key treatment for these children.

Qaji told Enab Baladi that if the child has any congenital deformity, the mother should tell him inspiring success stories of those who were deprived of many blessings, such as sight, or were afflicted with disabilities and congenital deformities, yet their determination and perseverance allowed them to overcome obstacles and achieve success. The mother should emphasize to the child that he can do the same and that there’s nothing he lacks, and what he feels is merely an illusion without basis in reality.

Qaji added that deformities might make the child tend to isolate from others, so parents must teach him to be social and make friends who support him mentally. This will directly lead to the child becoming normal, accepting his appearance and traits, with all its pros and cons. Additionally, parents should teach the child not to lend an ear to the bullies, as bullying makes the child feel frustrated, depressed, and hate his appearance.

Moreover, parents must not overlook the role of social media in shaking the child’s confidence, especially regarding beauty standards. Parents should constantly explain how photos are manipulated to make any child appear very beautiful, despite any deformities. This will help the child regain his self-confidence and stop comparing his appearance with his peers seen on social media.

 

Parents must not overlook the role of social media in shaking the child’s confidence, especially regarding beauty standards. They should constantly explain how photos are manipulated to make any child appear very beautiful, despite any deformities. This will help the child regain his self-confidence and stop comparing his appearance with his peers seen on social media.

Sameh Qaji, Family specialist

 

Qaji advised mothers to always smile at their child with any deformity, make him feel that he is the most beautiful child in the world, take many pictures of him in all forms, and write beautiful notes on each image. It’s also preferable to praise his features and physique in front of others because it is not enough to praise him privately; this boosts his confidence in himself and his appearance even more.

Likewise, the KidsHealth website mentions that children with low self-esteem believe that others won’t accept them, won’t be happy to involve them in their activities, which exposes them to mistreatment, makes it hard for them to defend themselves, and they easily succumb to any criticism of their appearance. These children also find it challenging to adapt when they make mistakes, lose, or fail.